how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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