Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
