he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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