Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
