I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
