im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Everyone says I win the strip club
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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