thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
