I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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