i used baking grease as lip gloss
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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