to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize