Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i would punch a child for taco bell
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up under a house in Key West
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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