I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
