Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
