if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize