you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize