I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
