you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
