Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
