My liver just broke up with me...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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