I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
