Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize