I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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