sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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