Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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