dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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