yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
