He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He passed out mid-signature
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
