i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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