so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
