i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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