Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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