Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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