Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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