I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
