Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This house was built for laser tag.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
