and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
