We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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