I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
