I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize