Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
