So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
