Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize