I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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