I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
