you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize