my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
