walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
