maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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