So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
