There's always time for handjobs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize