last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
