He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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