Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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