I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
