he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
