The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
