wakey wakey hands off snakey
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize