I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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