tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am naked and annoyed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
