Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize