New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
