Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
