Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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