So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
