Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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