I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
