On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
