You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She bit a glass in half.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
