No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
