Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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