I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
