Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I could fuck to npr.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
