i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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