the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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