I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
