The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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