if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just pynch a tree in the face
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
