i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize