know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
