i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
