where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Mom said you looked used
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
