Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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