i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
