It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
