im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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