Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
