its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize