scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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