So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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