sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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