id be glad to
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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