woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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