So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it because I queefed?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
