I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
