I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was born a porn star she said
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
