I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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