marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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