u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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