I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
