u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
