As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
