The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
