He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
