he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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