Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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